


Missing You in Vellum and Ink

by Tahlruil



Series: What I (Never Knew I) Wanted [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Missing You, Some Humor, Some Plot, Some hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 02:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: Instead of turning their party homeward after their disastrous (in Dorian's opinion) mission in the Storm Coast, Sylaera has them travel to New Crestwood. They never did hunt down that dragon, but Dorian isn't sure that slaying it will do anything to improve The Iron Bull's mood. Sera is acting very unlike herself, and all he wants to do is gohometo Cullen and Barkon Felix Muttrius.Since he remains at the mercy of the Inquisitor's whims, all he can do is write his Amatus.





	Missing You in Vellum and Ink

**Author's Note:**

> I've been away from this 'verse for _waaay_ too long. This is me committing to updating it more frequently! You may come after me with torches and pitchforks if I don't.  <3
> 
> It's sort of super unedited, 'cause I wanted to post it before i went to bed and I gotta do that in like, ten minutes. XD Sorry for any errors!
> 
> Comments, maybe? :D

_My Dearest, My Darling, My Amatus -_

_I cannot express how disappointed I am not to be returning to you and our Felix. The trip to the Storm Coast was... difficult. I'm sure you've had it all from our Spy Mistress' birds, and I do not have the heart to relay the tale to you with words only. I believe that I will need your arms around me and our beastly dog in my lap before I am ready to talk about it at all. I had prayed that we would return home as soon as it was over - I believe everyone in our party aside from our esteemed and august leader felt that way. Alas, Syleara has decided that we must visit New Crestwood instead. Her excuse was that the Keep nearby was due an inspection, but I believe she plans to hunt the dragon roaming those lands as a way to try to cheer up The Iron Bull._

_Good Blighted luck to her on that count._

_The mood here is fraught with tension. Sera is largely refusing to speak to the Inquisitor or The Iron Bull and speaks to me with only a little more frequency - it is disturbing in the extreme to be surrounded by her silence. I miss her biting remarks and humor more than I would have thought possible. As much as I miss you, as much as I yearn to be in your embrace with our smelly dog sprawled over our feet, if only one of us could return to Skyhold right now, I would send Sera in heartbeat. She needs Varric to encourage her particular brand of madness and she needs Cassandra and Vivienne to tease. I believe she needs Blackwall most of all - her strange friendship with our resident Warden would cheer her immeasurably. As it is impossible to send her home or bring him here fast enough, would you be willing to warn him of her mood? Perhaps he could prepare something for her arrival that will help her recover._

_I miss you, Cullen. I miss you with every breath I take. Being in a bed again means nothing when you aren't here to share it with me. I would take a lumpy bedroll in the cursed Fallow Mire with you in it over the comfiest bed in the Imperium that I had to sleep in alone. If I cannot have you I would settle for our Barkon's presence - despite his being a smelly, slobbery hound, I do love him. Feed him well, if you please, so that he will grow big and strong, that he may soon join me when I have to leave you._

_When I got your letter from Harding, it made me smile and lifted my spirits - I am sorry my own is unlikely to do the same for you. I think we will be here for some time - not only is there a dragon to slay, but wyverns as well. Not quite as exciting, but maybe enough to distract The Iron Bull from his... well. It is a loss for all of us, but he feels it more keenly. It is selfish of me to ask this, when I know nothing I write in return will hold any cheer, but please, Amatus - please write me back if you can manage to find the time. It won't be the same as being with you, but I am in desperate need of something to make me smile._

_I promise that if our intrepid Inquisitor decides to journey any further I will do my best to steer her home first._

_I miss you too much to even attempt a humorous form of address for you or myself,_

_Dorian_

~.~.~

**Dorian -**

**I miss you too, and I must confess that when I learned you would not be returning home immediately after your trip to the Storm Coast, I was a bear for the rest of the day. I made four new recruits cry, had Nylan quivering in his boots, and Kattrin declared me 'unfit for any company' and stole Felix from me until I was ready to retire to bed for the evening. I may also have broken a few things, but I will make you guess which when you finally return. A piece of good news - where Josephine found my reaction childish, I do believe it spoke to the romantic buried under Leliana's hard exterior. She has promised that one of her crows will always be available to carry letters between us when you leave. While I am grateful for the favor, I could do without the way she coos at me whenever she sees me now.**

**News did indeed arrive soon after the events in the Storm Coast transpired. It is a loss I never expected, and you are right not to speak of it through ink and vellum. We will grieve together on your return, when we have each other and Felix to comfort us.**

**Cassandra sends her best wishes, and demands you return home soon so I will stop my 'ridiculous pining'. She misses you, I think, even if she would never admit it. Vivienne asked that I convey her lack of surprise at the Inquisitor's choice, and reminds you to watch her; as an afterthought, she added that she hopes you are well and will return to us soon. I do not know her well enough to presume to know her emotions, but since it is the first time she has ever really spoken with me and it was about you, I think she might miss you as well. Dagna was most insistent that I include the packet of notes from her that I did, and she asked me to say that she would like you to hurry home, because research waits for no man.**

**I hope that you know that you are truly missed Dorian, and by more than myself and Felix. I know you often feel like an outsider here, and that everyone is holding your position as an Altus from the Imperium (did I get that right? I know you are not a Magister, but the terms fumble about in my head enough that I'm always unsure if I've plucked the right word from the jumble) against you, but you have friends here, Dorian. Until we return to Tevinter, you have a home here. You are loved and you are missed - I hope the thought is enough to warm you until you make your way back.**

**There is also a letter for Sera from Blackwall. I told him you would be sure it reached her. I hope she will be pleased when she gets it. As much as she terrifies me, I didn't like the thought of her quiet and with no pranks in mind.**

**Felix is growing bigger, but it will be a while yet before he can join you on your trips. In better news, a slew of experts on the Mabari breed arrived two days ago. Not only is there a kennel master, but also several trainers, breeders, groomers - our Barkon made quite the impression on the Inquisitor, apparently, because she has decided the Inquisition should have hounds, and those hounds will be the best cared-for Mabari in all of Thedas. Josephine despairs over spending so much on beasts, but I think the addition will be very much to the Inquisition's advantage. Though he is still a pup, Felix now sees one of the war trainers for a short period of time every day to learn the basics. He's a clever lad, and has stolen the heart of his trainer as he has stolen hearts all over Skyhold. I continue to teach him tricks of my own, ones that have nothing to do with battle and everything to do with making you smile when you come home. You will be proud of our Barkon Felix Muttrius, and I fully believe he will make you laugh hard enough that you cry and make a mess of your kohl.**

**~~I have other ideas on how we can accompli-~~ **

**That was incredibly crude of me. I apologize. I miss you so much that it makes me reckless.**

**Before you left, you asked me to move a few things from your room to my drafty tower. I have finally done so, and I hope you approve of the items I shifted. I confess that I consulted all of the females in our lives who seem so fond of you. Vivienne was, surprisingly, the most helpful. Several of your books and pillows have made the journey across the keep, as have a number of your clothes and some of your jewelry. I'd no idea you had so much of it, Dorian. I may have appropriated a few small trinkets to wear on my person, so that part of you would always be with me. As I ferried your belongings to my tower and some more of my things to your room, I couldn't help but think it would be simpler if we had a room that was ours... if I thought it would not be presumptuous of me, I would have Josephine find me just such a room and move all our things to it. Give me the word in your next letter, Dorian, and I will see it done.**

**Kattrin has asked for my opinion on accepting her suitor's proposal - it was strange, to find she looks up to me as an older brother. With her family so far away and you out gallivanting, she felt I was the one to turn to. He's a solid young man, good with a blade and with an easy charm that makes it difficult not to like him. He also loves her, which is the most important thing. Marrying in times such as this is always a risk, but I know that despite that I would stand before the Maker and his holy bride to pledge myself to you even as Corypheus stormed our gates. I advised her to find out if he would mind moving to the Imperium, as I know you want her to come with us when we return to your home. She laughed and said he would go anywhere she wanted, and I told her to marry the man immediately.**

**It all got me thinking of my own siblings, if I am to be honest. I worry about their well-being constantly, but hesitate to bring them to Skyhold. I have not spent an extended amount of time with them since I was a mere boy, and I'm not sure I could survive it. Though I love them, I prefer to love them from something of a distance. I did write to Mia about you, so that she could spread the information among the Rutherford clan. Do not be surprised if she strikes up a correspondence with you, and please, please, please do not give her too much ammunition to use against me when she does. She is forever angry at my own terrible letter writing, and is always seeking reasons to scold me or make me feel guilty. I know that she will love you, but she will try to wheedle all the information she can from you. When this is over, after we keep the world from falling apart, I would like to go visit them all with you and Felix at my side. I believe you could distract them from their fussing long enough to make it bearable.**

**I think anything would be bearable if you were with me.**

**I apologize if this letter didn't have enough in it that made you smile, but I do not know what else to write. I love you, I miss you, and I want you home. If the Inquisitor takes you anywhere other than straight to Skyhold after your time in New Crestwood, I will march the troops out to come and retrieve you myself. You may think me kidding, but I assure you that I am not. I will ride out on a glorious steed, Felix perched in the saddle before me, and I will fetch you home.**

**I know you have defeated one of the beasts before, and Bull has been involved in the demise of three of the things now, but please be careful should the Inquisitor lead you against a dragon. I could not bear it if you were injured. If something does happen, please send word - Cassandra is more than capable of taking charge of our troops for a time.**

**Felix and I miss you, and we cannot wait for your return.**

**Cullen**

~.~.~

_Amatus -_

_I am unharmed by the dragon, but the twice-Blighted wyvern's den we found ourselves in soon after was more harmful. While we fought one bull, another came upon us from behind. The awful creature must have believed he could claim the territory for himself. Though we triumphed in the end, the Blighter got me with his poison. Luckily Judith, the woman who wanted their livers, had the antidote readily available. I'm rather glad you weren't here to see me that way - I looked absolutely dreadful, Cullen. Horrid. I am perfectly fine now, however, so please don't fret._

_I would be absolutely delighted to exchange letters with your elder sister! I will charm her utterly, so much so that she will wish to leave her husband for me, and only my enduring, exclusive love of the rougher sex will keep us apart. We will be bosom buddies, and she will put me in touch with your other siblings. I will charm the whole of you clan, Amatus, so that they will not follow us to Tevinter to try and steal you back from me. I will, however, be very careful to charm your little brother only so far. I already have the Rutherford man of my dreams, after all. We will of course visit them before we turn for the Imperium. I hope you know that for all we speak of it as a given, if you don't truly wish to go to Tevinter then we won't. I would make a life with you in Ferelden despite the overwhelming smell of dog, the ever present cold and the complete lack of drinkable wine._

_Is my Kattrin engaged?! I happen to like her young man very much, and I absolutely approve. Tell my darling message runner that if she wishes to marry at Skyhold, Vivienne and I will be happy to help her plan all the details. Vivienne in particular could use the distraction, and she's better at finagling favors from Josephine than I. Her parents, should they travel to Skyhold for the wedding, can stay in my old room._

_That was me giving permission, by the way. If there are no quarters available that we could make 'ours', I will move into your drafty tower._

_I am trying very hard to be cheerful as I write you, Amatus, because your last letter truly did make me smile and I wanted to return the favor. To be honest, however, there is little to be cheerful about. The Iron Bull is almost unbearable despite slaying a dragon and three wyverns - did I mention that there was a third as we were leaving that Blighted den? Maker, if the Inquisitor would have let me, I'd have burned the whole place down to the ground. She is trying to charm me, perhaps to make up for her behavior when that blasted Gat was in our company. I may let her, if only to ease the way forward for us. It is strange, however, and gives me a sour feeling in my stomach._

_Sera cried when I gave her Blackwall's letter - please don't mention that to him, or command him to take the secret to the Fade if you do. She still isn't herself, but she speaks more now, which I suppose is something. Well, she speaks more to me - The Iron Bull and the Inquisitor are given hardly a word outside of battle. I worry for her, Amatus. We cannot get her back to Skyhold soon enough, I think. I hope the Inquisitor lets her rest there for a time. I doubt they will ever share a bed again, and Maker save us all, I think she has alienated another close ally. While I know you will keep your troops faithful to the cause, I fear the inner circle may be falling apart. I worry, but I will not commit such concerns to ink and vellum. Like my recounting of what happened on the Storm Coast, it is best whispered in the dark with you and Felix to protect me._

_I only hope that the world lasts long enough to take you to Tevinter._

_Please tell Vivienne that I have volunteered her services to Kattrin as a paragon of style - Orlesian though it may be. Also that I miss her wit and wisdom, and that I hope I find her well on my return. Inform Cassandra that a vendor of salacious novels happened to be in New Crestwood and I picked us up some matching copies - we can critique them together. I know she is important to you, Amatus, so I will do my best to endear her to me - otherwise she may cut me to ribbons with her pointy stick. And if you could pass on to Dagna that she is a darling, a gem among ill-cut gravel, a marvel for which there is no compare, I would appreciate it. The direction she has turned was entirely unexpected, but brilliant. After my happy reunion with you and Felix, I may well disappear with her for a day or two._

_It is strange, Amatus, to think that I have found a family of sorts in that cold wasteland. When I arrived at Haven I hoped only to find a cause worth fighting for, and to make sure someone from Tevinter was seen fighting it. What I found instead is... it is more than I could ever have dreamed. Even if I differ with the Inquisitor on much, I will stay until the battle is won, because now I have so very much to lose._

_There I go, drifting into maudlin territory again. Do forgive me._

_I can hardly wait to see what tricks you have been teaching our Barkon. He is dreadfully clever, you're right about that. He might be more intelligent than many of your countrymen, if I am to be candid. Is that why you Fereldens love the Mabari so much? I imagine they often make a charming change of pace from the dullards that populate your countryside. I've become distracted, however, from my main point - I know you've been teaching our boy some wonderful tricks. I look forward to seeing them. The notion of battle training makes me nervous, but at the same time I know I cannot bring him out into the world to face the dangers that I do unless he is prepared for them. I know he is not a lady's lapdog to be pampered and kept safe, but my heart clenches when I think of him fighting a dragon or a Venatori. I want him safe and happy, and I am unsure I could handle dragging him into danger with me. I am going to need you to help me accept the idea of him fighting, I think._

_You wanting to make a mess of my kohl is not crude, Amatus. If I trusted our method of delivery a little more, I would write things that would make you turn that delicious red color that I so adore seeing on you. Instead, as I fear our Spy Mistress may be as bad as Kattrin when it comes to peeking, I shall refrain. It's rather a shame, because the notion of you riding to my rescue on a noble steed greatly inspired my imagination. My version places both our Barkon and your shirt in another place entirely, and the horse would disappear soon after as well. Perhaps once we are alone in our new room, we could play a game._

_Either way, we will make a mess of each other, you can trust in that._

_Do not trouble yourself to write a return letter, as I believe this one likely to reach you as we are setting out for Skyhold. The failure of this distraction to return The Iron Bull to his usual amiable self seems to have taken the wind out of our Inquisitor's sails. ~~I think sh-~~. I look forward to returning to you for many reasons, and one of the most pressing is the freedom to speak my mind to someone whose opinions I trust almost as much as my own._

_The most pressing reason, of course, is that I need to feel your arms around me. I need to feel your lips against mine, and hear your voice against my ear. When I arrive home, I know you'll be at the gate to meet me, and I simply cannot wait to launch myself at you and cover your face in embarrassing kisses. I demand that you find a tub big enough for the two of us to soak in, and you can have Nylan fill it with hot water so it can be waiting for us when we're done greeting each other. I will, of course, have to see Kattrin before we can enjoy it, but then I will be all yours until the following morning which you will start disgustingly early, I'm sure._

_I cannot wait to stop missing you, Amatus._

_Dorian_

**Author's Note:**

> So these were mostly to get back into the 'verse - next part will be more than letters, promise! (But I do love writing letters between these two, and I have like, a folder of them tucked away on a different computer)
> 
> The next thing I post in this 'verse will be the start of the next multi-chapter story, but I wouldn't mind posting some vignettes or side-stories as I go. So if you have any prompts for those, or for Cullen and Dorian as a pair, or for Dragon Age in general, feel free to drop some in my [Tumblr](tahlreth.tumblr.com) askbox.


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